Mr. LaHaye is mistaken. A newly-discovered, ancient manuscript has recently come into my possession that foretells the actual sign of the end of the world. It reads as follows:
“And these shall be the signs when thou shalt knowest that the end of the world is near.
A child shall be born on an island in the midst of the Great Ocean (allegedly). He shall grow in wisdom and in stature in the city on the shores of the Lake that is called Michigan where he shall organizeth the community in which he dwelleth.
He shall achieve a great and miraculous victory against the lioness of the tribe of Clinton, and shall ascend to the throne which hath previously been ordained to be the sole dominion of those of the Caucus region.
This shall cause much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth among the Caucasians, and shall bringeth forth many false prophets from under every rock and low place who professeth to be followers of Christ but acteth not in accordance with his teachings.
And the false prophets and hypocrites shall prophecy that the ascension of the child from the island in the midst of the Great Ocean (allegedly) to the throne previously held by the Caucasians is the sign of the apocalypse. But the end of the age is not yet nigh.
There shall arise a woman from the North Country. She shall be dim of wit yet big of mouth, and she shall say many strange and confounding things and shall give much refudiation to many. When this woman from the North Country ascendeth to the throne, then thou shalt surely know that the end of the world has come.
So it is written, so it shall be.”
